How do you know if you’re stuck or if you’re processing what happened?

Before I started peeking in windows in search of homes “not too badly storm damaged,” I was stuck, too.

Dear Amy,

How do you know if you’re stuck or if you’re processing what happened?

Thanks,

Definitely in-between

Dear In-Between,

This is such a great question! Some liminal zones (the space between an ending and a new beginning) are thrust upon us (being laid off, being broken up with, losing your home in a hurricane ;). Others are willingly stepped into (quitting a job, moving to a new city, ending a relationship, retiring). Regardless of how we enter them, there’s inevitably some processing to do. After all, you’re closing off a chapter in your life, and a piece of your identity is changing.

My answer is this: Absolutely, there are times when we’re processing. That may not look like progress from the outside, but something inside us is still shifting. But how to know when you’re stuck? Consider this:

Have you ever had to untangle jewelry? The way it usually works is that it looks like an impossible knot of necklaces and earrings. But if you slowly and gently shift things around, you can get one piece clear. Then, almost inevitably, the rest of the pieces just slip apart. 

So, as you’re processing, look for that first piece of jewelry to come clean. Is it happening, or is the knot getting more tangled the longer you stay with it? 

When you’re in a liminal zone, knots untangling should feel like either comfort or increased clarity.

My guess is if you’re asking the question, you’re probably stuck. Because if you’re feeling comfort or clarity, you will know.

Getting stuck is okay; it happens to all of us. Often we need a nudge to get moving again.

I make my living out of helping people thrive in the liminal space (between an ending and a new beginning) and gain forward momentum, and… I still get stuck. I do. It’s a normal part of transitions.

When I first found out that I’d lost my housing in the wake of Hurricane Helene, I cycled through all the emotions: denial (I’m sure it’ll be easy to clean up and get back in); shock (omg our street looked like Venice); heartbreak (ooooh, I can’t move back into my cottage). It took a friend (and fellow displacee) to nudge me to start looking for a place to live.

So, if you’re wondering if it’s time to get moving, consider this your nudge. Start here, and if you’re finding it’s hard or you don’t want to do it on your own, call me. I’d love to help you feel momentum again. Because I’m sure whatever the new beginning that’s waiting for you, it’s a really good one.

Amy