How do you avoid scarcity mindset when things are, well, scarce?
Let the thrifting begin
I was at a yard sale today. Because I am rebuilding after the hurricane, I need pretty much everything. As I browsed, I noticed how quickly my mind went to a sense of scarcity and desperation. I really don’t like these dishes, but they’re cheap and available, so they’ll do.
The adult brain has a negativity bias, and it’s amplified by stress. So, it’s really easy to find yourself thinking things like this, especially when you’re in the liminal zone. Even if it works against you in the long run. (For how long am I going to eat off the dishes I hate?)
That’s a really small scale example, but the experience is pervasive and arguably more impactful for the big things in life. Consider these statements:
“It’s a tight job market.”
“Good luck finding a home after a hurricane.”
“Companies just aren’t hiring consultants right now.”
“At this age, there aren’t many single men to date.”
Sound familiar? All of these sentiments are so common we wouldn’t bat an eye.
They’re also self-sabotaging.
But why? They’re true, no?
Maybe. Maybe not. Hear me out: their veracity actually doesn’t matter.
Whether we believe them does matter. A lot. Because of our negativity bias, our minds, left unchecked, can jump to terrifying conclusions. A tight job market means there’s no job for me, or at least no job I’ll like. A constrained housing market means I’ll be out on the street. A low dating pool means I’ll be single forever.
But, imagine for a second everyone believed that, and since they believed it, it was true. The natural conclusion suddenly becomes: there are no jobs at all, no homes to be had, no men looking for love. Of course it would be absurd to think that none of those things (or people) are available at all.
Now you might be thinking: Ok, sure, Amy, but are there GOOD jobs? NICE homes? KIND men? To which I’ll ask you: Can you look around and see people in jobs they enjoy, comfortable homes, and good relationships? Of course. But they didn’t always have those jobs, homes, and partners. They had to go find them. When homes were arguably scarce and good jobs and good men scarcer still.
Thank you for going on that thought exercise with me. I think it’s helpful to play out scarcity mindset to its natural conclusion, because looking back from there, we can see it doesn’t stack up.
So, now that I’ve convinced you to jettison the scarcity mindset 😳, how do you actually do it?
Focus on the abundance you do see.
When I hear “there aren’t many…” I always reply that “I just need one.” Language matters, and it’s my way of rewiring the negative neural pathways (the negative neuries?). Then I look around to see who else has what I want. Gabby Bernstein calls this driftwood, the concept that others having things you want is a sign of abundance, not lack. I love that philosophy because it allows me to see possibility everywhere.
But, what if we have real timing constraints, stretching our ability to patiently wait for what we desire?
Separate clarity from arriving.
Knowing what we want, especially with big, important things like career and home, can be a challenge in itself. Sometimes it takes a while for the vision to crystalize (if you need help with that, I’ve got you covered). Once we know, we can get giddy and excited and want to make it happen yesterday. Sometimes that’s possible (yay!). Often, it isn’t quite that easy. What we can do is celebrate the clarity and enjoy the meandering road to arriving. Which is made easier when we…
Build bridges.
A bridge is a path to what you want. It gets you going in the right direction. I just signed a lease on a bridge apartment. It has much, not all, of what I want. But, it’s a comfortable place to be for a year, and it’s in the neighborhood I intend to stay in long term. I’ll be in the thick of things as new properties come on the market, and maybe I’ll have access to something before it gets advertised.
There are bridge jobs, as well. They might look like the wrong role in the right field or company, one that allows you to showcase your talents and be first to hear about the role you really want. Or maybe it’s the right role in the wrong industry, but you’re building skills that will make you more attractive to the companies you care about.
So have a go at these three scarcity-busters, and let me know how you make out.
As for me, to answer the question I posed: how long am I going to eat off the dishes I hate? Zero days. I checked myself, shushed the negative neuries, and left the dishes. I don’t need plates quite yet. Besides, I like thrifting, and who knows, maybe as I set up my new place, my bridge apartment will turn into my dream home.