Getting to Why: Clarifying Our Core Needs (Step 2)

Me with one of my false motivators for exercising… my high school letterman’s jacket from my cross-country running days

I’m a consistently inconsistent exerciser. I know theoretically it’s important to do, but it’s not a habit I ever really weaved into my life. Sure, I’ve had spurts of consistent exercise: in high school, I was captain of the cross-country team, and I ran regularly. Besides hanging onto my proudly won captain’s hat and my letterman’s jacket, a big part of my motivation to run was to hear all the school gossip (I have years of experience going into my reality TV analyses!). And when I lived in San Francisco, I joined a really luxurious gym that made me want to go back, if only for the spa and the fancy smoothies I could get after my workout. 

You see, I always needed something external to keep me at it. And when that thing went away, so too went the motivation to work out.

Recently, however, I started to equate exercise with health. I know, I know, many of you got there years ago. It’s not like I didn’t know that to be true. But what I didn’t appreciate (or frankly experience) until recently was that without it, I would feel off, anxious, and stressed. I chalk it up to midlife and all the changes that happen to us at this age. Whatever it is, I now really understand the role exercise plays not in my theoretical long term health, but in how it impacts how I feel every day. 

Knowing that has made getting in a workout of some sort a heck of a lot more likely to happen than when I didn’t have that mental connection.

And that encapsulates the second step in my work with clients: once they figure out where they’re stuck, I ask them to really understand why that thing is important to them. To some, this can feel like a sidestep from the actual momentum they’re hoping to create. But… knowing why you’re doing something IS the foundation for consistent momentum.

Knowing why you’re doing something IS the foundation for consistent momentum.

I once skipped this step with a client due to timing issues, and then came back to it after some of the subsequent activities. Immediately she said: “ooh, this puts into context everything else we’re doing. It makes it intentional and gives me clarity.”

So, while it’ll feel a bit like a detour, like all of life’s really good stuff, it is the tour. 

I call this step What’s Really Important? And the whole idea is to spend some good time on understanding what your Desire, Decision, or Derivation is here to prompt in your life. To do this, I encourage people to reflect on the question “What’s most important about that?” Keep digging, asking a variation of it over and over again, until you get to what feels like a Core Need.

To make this tangible, let’s look at how this went for me and exercise:

What’s important about incorporating regular movement into your life? 

– When I am consistently exercising, I notice less anxiety and I generally feel better. 

What’s important about reducing anxiety and feeling better? 

– The anxiety, when left unchecked, can wreak havoc with a day (thank you, perimenopause!). I’d rather spend the time doing the exercise than spend the time addressing unexpected anxiety. If I make exercise happen, I get to spend more time doing things I love doing: working with clients, enjoying time with friends, etc. 

What’s important about doing those things you love? 

– They’re positive energy feeds for me. The more I do, the more energy I have to do other things.

So, my Core Need can be summed up as: Incorporating regular movement is important because it gives me energy to do the things I really care about doing, and doing those things creates a virtuous circle of positive energy. 

How’s exercise going for me right now? To twist the immortal words of Toby Keith: “I ain’t as good as I once was, but I’m more consistent than I ever was.” I’m not running races (turns out I hate running!). But I am walking, doing yoga, biking, and playing pickleball on a regular basis. A big big part of this is that my motivation is coming from a clear Core Need. And also, I’ve set up my life to reduce the friction around exercise… through life hacks and experimentation (much more on the latter coming up in subsequent posts). 

But I promise you, all the life hacks and experiments in the world won’t cut it if you’re not super clear on why you’re doing something. Because inevitably, something will break your flow (for me, that happens on a twice-yearly basis as I migrate between Florida and Maine), and it’s knowing your Core Need that keeps you going. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of the house and go for a walk…