The new midlife crisis
Just a couple of midlifers… me and my cousin celebrating my recent midlife birthday!
If I asked you to picture a midlife crisis, I can guess what would pop to mind first. Fancy sports cars? Divorce? Quitting your job? Whether or not you believe it true, it’s been a pervading myth that with midlife comes a breakdown.
So, imagine my consternation to realize, a good few years into it, that I had passed the threshold for midlife (while there's disagreement about when midlife ends, general consensus is that it begins at 40).
I came to the realization that I was a midlifer accidentally, having been invited to be the closing speaker at The Midlife Conference in Rockport, Maine, last fall. (Also a GREAT conference and an excuse to see Maine at its best. They've kindly invited me back this year.)
Much like red buses, once I started seeing midlife, I could not stop. It was all around me.
My friends, my colleagues, my clients, me… we were in midlife, but not breaking down. Not in the traditional sense. Yet we were all asking important questions. Questions like: What’s next for my career, now that I’ve accomplished so much? How do I live in a way lights me up but also provides the best support for my kids? Where do I want to live out this next phase of my life? How might I strengthen the relationship I’ve built with my partner, outside of our kids?
Questions that all bubbled up to: What is most important to me right now and how can I live in alignment with that? That desire to reflect and make changes… that felt inspiring, positive, joyful. Nothing like a crisis.
And yet, once we start pulling on the strings of these questions, they have the tendency to unravel big changes in our lives. It’s like they're clues, leading us into a maze that transforms us as we walk through it, leading us to a whole different landscape.
As it turns out, the maze of these beautiful questions can get us stuck. Because one question, closely explored, brings up others, and they seem to be asking us to go in different directions. Because while we know they're are nudging us to change, we’re not quite sure in what direction. Because we can start to see the direction, and we worry it’ll unravel other parts of our lives.
This wasn’t the midlife crisis in my imagination. But, it was something.
So I looked up the etymology of the word crisis, and wouldn’t you know, it variously means decision or turning point. That fits exactly what I’m seeing (and experiencing). My friends and clients were not only asking the questions, they were brave and bold enough to find the answers. To get themselves unstuck.
Isn’t it beautiful? To still be young enough, healthy enough, and with enough years laid out in front of us to have the privilege to ask – and answer – these big, important questions?
So I have a proposal: let’s reclaim the term midlife crisis. Let’s wear it like a badge! Let’s talk about the big, alluring, life-altering questions that are coming to us insistently. Let’s linger over them like we do good conversation with dear friends late into a warm summer’s evening. Let’s trade stories about the crises we’ve realized and the turns we’re proudly making in our lives.
What’s your midlife crisis?”
If you’re curious to explore this topic further, I’ve applied to SXSW to speak on this exact subject. Please consider supporting my bid: voting goes until August 19th.