Liminal Space 3: Becoming
When you’ve chosen a new path and are in it, yet a new identity is still taking shape
Some transitions come with fanfare. You worked for them, chose them. They’re the quote unquote happy things.
You retire. Graduate. Move in with someone. Have a baby. Launch something new.
People send you cards. Ask how it feels. Celebrate the milestone.
These things are positive. Good.
So why do we feel disoriented? Unsure? Unsettled?
A quote from Friends comes to mind. At one point, Ross says:
“Nobody likes change.”
(This does not go well for him—awkward hilarity ensues.)
But... he's not wrong.
Even the good kind of change—the kind we’ve worked toward, longed for, and maybe even announced on LinkedIn or instagram or facebook—can knock us sideways.
The kind that comes with a whole row of cards at the drugstore? Still hard.
I’m a trained mindfulness instructor, and one of the core things we learned in my two-year program was this:
“Change is happening all the time.”
A simple trick to see it in action:
Look out the window, or around you if you’re outside.
Notice the movement—the wind in the leaves, the shifting light, the birds, the bugs.
No one moment is like the one before it.
In that sense, change isn’t the exception. It’s the rule.
We’re actually highly trained in navigating change.
What throws us is not the fact of change—but the felt identity shift that big, chosen transitions bring.
Because underneath the milestone is often something quieter:
A loss.
A letting go of a version of yourself you spent years building.
I wrote the note below to a friend after he left IDEO—a place we both deeply identified with. It was based on what I’d needed to hear when I left:
It feels like a loss. That’s because it is. Mourn it. Be gentle with yourself.
But… you’re now part of a club you couldn’t join until you left: the IDEO alumni community. It’s full of people out in the world doing real things and having real impact.
You’re still an IDEOer. Maybe even more so—because now, you embody it in places where IDEO is a myth. People stop me in the hallway and say, “You’re the one from IDEO, right?”
And yes—it might hurt. It might feel like a huge mistake. I promise it’s not. In fact, you just unlocked a whole new level of your career. My learning and growth shot up tenfold after I left.
Change comes with loss.
But that’s what makes space for the new.
You can’t have one without the other.
So mourn the loss.
And embrace the becoming.
Welcome to the liminal space.
P.S. If you’re craving some structure to this liminal space, read on and join me next week…
I’m in the middle of five blog posts where I’m sharing the five different types of liminal spaces, from most obvious to least. (Not for nothing, I’ve been through every one — more than once!)
If this space feels familiar to you, join me for Liminal by Design on May 9. (Or sign up to get the recording and access to the month-long pop-up community.)
It’s a short, potent course to help you make sense of this moment—and take tangible action inside it.
You’ll also get the rest of this series delivered straight to your inbox when you sign up.
Photo via Unsplash