What’s in the tug of a sleeve?

Leaning into the beat at a Bossa Nova concert

I was at a Bossa Nova concert the other night, and this fascinating thing happened. The drummer began a solo, and he started to encourage the crowd to participate. He would do his thing, then he would pause, signal to us, and we’d respond. It took just two or three back-and-forths, no words spoken, until we got it and we were all in the rhythm of doing exactly what he intended. I couldn’t even tell you how we knew what to do. We just did. It was so fast you could miss the moment of invitation.

This is a great analogy for what life can feel like. You’re reading subtle signals, often without being aware, and suddenly you’re in the flow of a routine or a life you never actively chose. It happens so quickly. It might look like taking a job and almost immediately becoming accustomed to doing what pleases your boss, without stopping to wonder if this is how you want to contribute to the world (or, for that matter, whether it’s the right thing for your company). Or it might look like getting married because that feels like the right next step, without questioning whether it’s your right next step. Doing what is expected can happen so quickly and seamlessly that we don't even realize we had other choices.

I'm not saying getting into the rhythm is always a bad thing. I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of that drum solo the other day. And I’ve had homes and jobs and relationships that progressed in flowy, easy ways that felt like exactly the right rhythm.

I invite you to consider this: Every step we take and every choice we make is the result of an invitation of some sort. But not all invitations look the same. Knowing the difference can be a powerful tool in navigating life with intentionality.

Some invitations look like that drummer’s invitation: they pull us, seamlessly and without thought, into a flow.

Others look like tugs at our sleeves, beckoning us out of the rhythm of the concert and into another world entirely.

It’s these that we can often brush off. Because they feel like distractions, or annoyances. But it’s also these that can lead us onto the path that is most uniquely ours.

I’ve had my share of sleeve-tugs. Some of them I’ve ignored, and when I have, things have not gone well (I can think of relationships, jobs, and cities that fit this particular bill. But I’d rather not… think of them that is 🤦🏼‍♀️).

But for others, I’ve turned into the yank at my sleeve. By and large, leaning into those invitations has led to the most beautiful, unexpected, sometimes challenging, but always enriching times in my life.

How about you? When have you accepted the invitation of the percussion to ride the wave? When have you ignored a tug at your sleeve? What did that feel like? And when have you listened to a tug on your sleeve and torn yourself out of the concert hall entirely? What did that feel like?

Know someone who’s caught in the rhythm of life but might be missing a tug at their sleeve? Pass this along—it might be the invitation they need.

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