When talking with new clients, I’m starting to notice one pattern with some regularity… and I’ve started thinking about it as the Columbo moment.

Sound familiar? All of these [negative] sentiments are so common we wouldn’t bat an eye. But are they true? Maybe. Maybe not. Hear me out: their veracity actually doesn’t matter.

Whether we believe them does matter. A lot. Because of our negativity bias, our minds, left unchecked, can jump to terrifying conclusions….

One of my core beliefs is that when something ends, something better is on the way. Laid off? A job that you love more awaits. Lost your sweet beach cottage? A home you like better will appear.

So how do you get there when surrounded by signs of loss?

Does time slow down in a liminal zone?

A new feature this week: Amy answers your questions on being stuck or in the liminal zone. Here’s the first:

Dear Amy,

How do you know if you’re stuck or if you’re processing what happened?

Thanks,

Definitely in-between

When I do intake calls with new clients, I ask them a series of questions about what brought them to me, what change they’re trying to make in their lives, what’s got them stuck or not moving forward (or forward as fast as they wish) on that change. But I always save the most meaningful question for last:

I’m going to let you in on a secret: one of the biggest reasons we get stuck on things that matter is because we have it backwards how to get unstuck…

We’re so often fed this false narrative that everything good comes through struggling. I beg to differ: the struggle comes when we can’t see what we want and we let that question get big without kicking the proverbial tire, without jostling it around, without bringing it out into the daylight.

There’s an expression that’s bandied about that says that happiness is reality minus expectations. I used to think about this as an admonishment to keep your expectations low. But, as I surf the sea of the unknown myself, and as I support others in the same situation (I’m a liminal zone guide), I’ve begun to think of it differently.

I believe each liminal zone we enter is there to ask us a question that we benefit from getting clear on. (I used to believe liminal zones were there just to drive us batty, and I mostly don’t think that now, so I’d call that progress ;) So, once I can get past the sheer pain (most liminal zones we don’t choose start off with a good dose of hurt), what I’ve found helpful is to start to look for the question this time is asking me. Sometimes it takes a while to unearth the question. Sometimes it’s buried in so many things all feeling uncertain at once.

I usually write and release this blog on Fridays, but it was on Friday morning that I heard that I don’t have a home.

I tried to write about this last week, and a different story came out. In fact, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t write the story I meant to. Until yesterday, when I realized it was because I don’t have the answers (oh, how liminal of me!), and that was irking me. I still don’t, but instead of answers, I’m going to lay out the question. Perhaps we can solve it together.